


but something had changed in me

by twnpeaks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crying Sam Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, jack is in every speck of dust the wind blows, sam is finally feeling everything after 15 years, sam still thinks about jess, this is barely edited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:16:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27616115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twnpeaks/pseuds/twnpeaks
Summary: Set after 15x19.They’re on the road again. Of course, the road comes with stops along the way with Sam rushing to see Eileen, and a stop at Charlie's. That's where they find her well into a movie marathon with Stevie. After that, who knows? It’s their life now. But first: Sam can start to feel again.
Relationships: Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Stevie (Supernatural: The Rupture), Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Sam Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	but something had changed in me

They’re on the road again. Something about the air that blows at both Sam and Dean’s face is different— sweeter. Between them, there’s still much of that euphoric high of finally reaching the end of everything the last decade has thrown at them. It doesn’t need to be said, they both know whatever comes next won’t be the same. It’ll be different and peaceful and a good kind of change.

Sam knows that while he can’t go back to the life he had before Dean swept him away from Stanford, it's not something that bothers him. It hasn’t for a long time. He'd known, past his own hopes, that whatever fate has in store it probably didn’t involve the 9-5, white picket fence life. But maybe now it could. 

His phone feels weightless in his pocket, but Eileen's feels like a brick, pushing into his side and he spreads out in the passenger seat. Sam pulls it out, thumb rubbing over the crack along its side. Jack may have put all the people and the order back into the world but the crack and its daunting reminder remains. It lights up. 

**Sam**

**(2) missed messages**

Behind the notifications is a photo of him. He's not surprised by it, he knows it’s been her lock screen for some time now, but it always baffles him a little. It’s just so normal. 

His own lock screen is one of Eileen from the same day. Sam took it only minutes after she took the photo of him. 

_There’s no flash, but just above the book he’s reading, Sam sees Eileen raise up her phone to catch a photo of him._

_He cracks a quizzical smile before asking, “Uh, what are you doing?” It’s a phrase that comes out slow, Sam trying to sign along with it. He’s been practicing._

_“Saving the moment,” she tells him. He laughs, head bowing, smile widening, and pushing air out through his nose. “There,” when he raises his head he’s met with her, extending her arm to make the phone lock screen more than obvious. It’s him._

_Sam doesn’t even know how to react. He’s flustered, frozen in a laugh and a smile. He can’t think of anything to say, but slides his own phone off the table and raises it to take his own photo. It’s not a press-and-go deal though. He’s waiting for Eileen to stop staring at him and to start laughing. He wants that moment._

_And he gets it._

It eats away at him, the fact he can’t call. He simply has to put faith in the fact she’s waiting back where she’s supposed to be and that Dean really is pressing on the gas. 

Before they left the bunker, for what was sure to be one of the last few times, Dean assured him, “I’ll get you there asap, Romeo. Swear.” 

Sam doesn’t even wait for Dean to come to a full stop beside the curb, he’s already jumping out of the passenger seat, the car door left open behind him and Dean in the car yelling at the recklessness. 

“Seriously, Sammy?” Dean calls out, sliding over to shut the passenger door himself. 

At her door, Sam finds himself so unsure of what to do, his hands are already on the door, wanting to break it down and leave all courtesies back in the car. He just wants to close the distance between them. Instead, his finger jams against the silent doorbell, and he knows, by the sound of what he knows is Eileen's movements, that the flashing light is going off inside. She’s going to open the door. Sam doesn’t _hope_ for it like he would have at any point before this one. Now, he just knows it’s her. 

“Hey, Sam!” During Sam’s impatience, Dean calls out, now half out of the car on his side, arms crossed on the top. “I’m gonna swing by Charlie’s. Call me when you, uh-“ he doesn’t finish what he’s saying, just offers a wink before Sam’s attention is brought back to the door and the sound of opening. 

Arms wrap around Sam’s neck. Eileen’s arms. He leans down, his own arms bringing her closer. The breath he’s been holding in finally rushes out. In their embrace, he finds the safety to close his eyes and just breathe. 

When she gives him a, “Hi, Sam,” eerily reminiscent of the day he brought her back, he holds onto her just a little tighter. 

“I wanted to call you but-“

“But I have your phone,” Sam finishes for her, remembering to fish it out of his pocket and place it on the coffee table beside them. They’ve sunk into the couch, Eileen's legs on top of one of Sam's as they face each other. 

“So it’s really all over?”

“Well, Chuck doesn’t have his powers anymore so he’s just human now, and Jack... Jack is...” it’s something of a mix of Sam talking and signing for every couple of words till he hits a mental roadblock or realizes he just doesn’t know that sign yet. 

He has a little pride when he recognizes her open hand, thumb closest to her, pulling downward from her forehead to her chest. She says it out too, but he doesn’t need her to, for this one. “God.” 

“Yeah.”

Sam doesn’t call Dean back to pick him up. Instead, he’s in the passenger seat of a red 1971 Plymouth Valiant, Eileen's car. It’s found its way back to her even after Sam and Jack left it behind on a random street in Hastings, Minnesota. Sam chalks this to be just outside of what Jack considers inserting himself into the story, and Sam is thankful. He wasn’t sure how he wouldn’t spoil the reunion with Eileen if he had to tell her that her own beloved car was somewhere about nine hours away and possibly unlocked. Maybe she’d forgive him for not thinking twice at the edge of the end of the world. Luckily, it wouldn’t ever be a discussion. 

At Charlie’s, they find the smiling bunch that is Charlie, Stevie, and Dean. Eileen and Charlie have met on a couple of occasions, mostly crossed paths here and there both being hunters out the hub that’s formed in the surrounding states. It doesn’t matter here and now that they aren’t more than general acquaintances because regardless, Charlie and Stevie welcome her into their home with open arms. 

She may not be _their_ Charlie, and they may not be her unwanted big brothers yet, but she is no less Charlie to Sam, and certainly not to Dean who’s taking one of the beers from her arms. 

To Sam’s surprise, Charlie and Stevie are well into a Star Wars movie marathon, but that’s not what catches him off guard— it’s Dean, who’s apparently been watching along. 

Charlie’s head tilts forward and from the way her eyebrows suddenly jump, she’s clearly going to say something good— _exciting_. “You guys should join us! We’re just about to start the next one!”

“A well overdue break from the road!” Stevie chimes in. 

“I- I think we should probably get going. Dean?” Sam motions his head towards the door. He’s looking at Dean across the room, but he’s not met with a concurring expression from his big brother. He’s met with a laugh. 

“Would you cool your jets, Sammy? Kick back and have a beer, dude.”

Sam is hesitant to stay, but he feels like he can drop the tenses that have gathered in his shoulders over the years, and yeah, maybe they can stay for just one movie. It’s _A New Hope_. 

Sam follows Eileen's lead to sit on the couch, and when everybody finally settles into their own spaces Sam notices the change in the air, the change in their postures, and the change in all of them. There’s a sort of harmony lingering in the room and it’s almost as if a couple of days ago Charlie hadn’t gathered Sam and Dean in her living room, near breaking point. Charlie’s arm is wrapped around her partner’s waist and her other hand is intertwined with Stevie's. 

It’s a night filled with laughter and beer, but Sam can’t help but feel a pang in his heart along the way. 

He thinks back to how many times he’s had to try and hold onto memories like this one with an iron grip in these past 15 years— how they were one of the few things that got him through it all. In an almost abrupt way, Sam manages to put his beer bottle down. Before he makes it out the door for air, he catches Eileen calling his name, but it’s already behind him. 

He’s feeling everything come down on him, but this time he isn’t stopping himself from letting the emotions and weight spill out. 

Sam has Eileen back, she’s waiting just inside but he can’t help the way his throat constricts itself around a sob. He’s been carrying the twins of guilt and grief on his back longer than he knows and all roads lead back to a late-night break-in back at Stanford. All roads lead back to _Jess_. 

They’re not straight roads by any means. They are full of curves, hills, potholes, you name it, and Sam has driven over every one of them collecting grief like he was putting together a scrapbook. 

The porch light buzzes over Sam’s head, just a bit too close to his ears and he sits, almost drops, on the steps for some relief. Sam’s ready to bury his head in his hands, let the tears that have already welled up fall as they may. 

Around him is not much but a gentle blow in the wind. It pushes his hair out of his eyes, and it’s accompanied by a warmth that envelops him. And Sam knows. He knows. 

“Jack.”

**Author's Note:**

> of course it's a bleachers lyric title what else did you expect? stream good morning by bleachers


End file.
